this will save your arse
a diagnosis I didn't expect, an animal body, an earth-based breathwork event, and special offers from my pain support team
“You can save your arse or you can save your face but you can’t save both.”
Substack continues to show up like an emotional support animal, offering regular companionship, comfort and play. Writing when the stories in my tightened chest need to be clawed out.
This letter is for every person confronting the old narratives, challenging a life that’s conditioned not created, striving in unnecessary pain, it’s for every woman who dreams of saving her arse, not her face.
About a year ago, back when I was running a lot, which now feels like a story about someone else, my left hip flexor started to niggle. It wasn’t sharp or dramatic, just a constant, low level ache humming in the background. At first I tried to focus on something greater. That, after all, is both my spiritual practice and my preferred anti-aging strategy. But when my whole left side collapsed underneath me, I finally went in for an MRI (after my chiro’s encouragement), thinking maybe I had injured it in some elite athletic way. Hoping for something more glamorous than chronic pain or wear and tear.
When I met the doctor I asked, “So, is it torn?”
“Yes you have a labral tear.” Then he said; arthritis, burs and cysts, degenerated hip joint, bone on bone, repetitive stress, hyper-mobile, and surgery all in the one sentence.
A combination of words that froze me. I’m very reluctant when it comes to medicine involving sharp instruments, hospitalization, anaesthesia, opioids and scalpels around my pelvis. Also I’m only 47, internalised ageism says joint replacements are for ‘old’ people.
“Do you have a high pain threshold by any chance?” He asked.
I sit stunned, laughter the only appropriate response. Finally it all made sense. I had convinced myself that the constant joint pain and aches were symptoms of peri-menopause. Another thing women just need to suck up and save face on. When the whole time intuition was trying to save my literal arse.
It can be overwhelming to receive the truth of reality all at once, but it’s also a massive relief. Validating in some way, to be in the rawness of the wake up call. I’m not just being asked to slow down, I’m being forced to creaturely adapt.
I first heard from a sober friend, “You can save your arse or you can save your face but you can’t save both.” And I was reminded of it again on a recent Rich Roll podcast here .
None of us escape pain thresholds in our lives, a diagnosis, a death, a birth, a divorce, a transition, an addiction, a great loss, a great grief, an equinox, all from which there will always be a choice.
Do I save my face or do I save my arse instead?
Pretending everything is fine, ignoring your intuition, pushing and soldiering on, suffering in silence, avoiding difficult conversations, sabotaging your creativity, worrying about what others think, making excuses out of fear of rejection, peddling the unhealthy habit, trying to fill a god-size hole with external likes, it’s both exhausting and expensive to save face.
You cannot simultaneously protect your ego/reputation and be honest and vulnerable to survive a crisis. Saving arse is the day you admit that your life has become unmanageable.
The day you surrender and ask for help.
The day you walk through the door of humility.
The day you grieve the false future.
The day of the great turning point.
What does not hold will necessarily collapse. This is the “gift” of collapse. Saving arse gives us permission to fall apart and start over. To treat ourselves with deep respect and set higher standards for our lives. Most often pain and suffering ignites the willingness to change. It’s not a failure to be in pain, it would only be a failure if I insisted on blocking it out and not learning from this experience. However, I’m not going to write this message from the wise sage, but simply to have an outlet for my soul to be seen.
I am going through one of life’s most humbling initiations. The body and its break downs. Which is evidence of living a FULL-arsed existence as opposed to just half-arsing it. I breathe and think “Okay world! I’m just going to heal a wacko hip now.” I don’t need the second arrow to fabricate a ‘should have’ story around it. I let my whole saline body accept reality as it is while the ocean brings buoyant relief. All of this after rolling through the grief and rage waves.
While I’ve sat with myself during some extreme seasons of pain and darkness in the past, I recognise it instantly in another person, and this is also a gift. Everybody truly just wants their pain to be seen, understood and loved. And when this happens, you see their greatest potential to heal and grow.
Technology can support us in lots of ways but it can’t x-ray or CT scan your consciousness. The intuitive intelligent energy that mends injuries and illnesses, and fixes broken bones doesn’t rely on any external experts. It’s all inside of YOU. This incredible power in the field that transforms trauma and births new cells.
When it comes to the power of healing, I’m reminded of this quote from a man I met in the jungles of Peru. He was a translator and apprentice medical student to Dr Rolling whose legacy we were supporting with out volunteer work in the village. He said if Dr Rolling were still alive I would tell him “God gives the best Warriors the worst battles because he knows you are going to make it.”
An entirely unexpected chapter is opening up. It feels, as if something has begun forming that had no room to form before the ‘diagnosis’.
You can book into my next autumn seasonal breathwork event here on Sunday May 3rd, 11am. Our community gathering at Yoga Lyfe will bring us to ground working with the Earth element and how our breath influences our own physical matter. The last event booked out quickly, apologies to those who missed the fire element. You can check out the rest of the seasonal rituals here .
As Mary Oliver writes, “you only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves”. We all metabolise intensity through a single animal body, so I’m curious, what gift is waiting in your joints and in what ways do you alchemise it into the thing that makes you most alive?
Is it time to save your arse now?
We are in this together. Keep leaning into the quiet excitement of your breath, that’s where the good stuff lives.
May my hips shape me into the woman I have always dreamt of becoming and the reason I’m here to serve on this planet.
Tina x
PS. The last email I wrote about Sal’s death felt a little more vulnerable than usual. Thank you to those who read it and for the soulful responses. Appreciated. x
Nature + animals = medicine
I might not be hiking Mt Kilimanjaro or witnessing the great migration (yet)… but this felt pretty close. A day at Werribee open range zoo, a place setting the global standard for conservation and research. Grateful to have experienced a behind-the-scenes tour. I don’t usually share photos of animals outside the WILD… but this felt important.
Spent time learning about elephant conservation with my friend Gen, who has this incredible way of showing just how intelligent and emotional these animals really are.
Mekabai, the matriarch of the herd, is 53. She has arthritis in her hips and receives weekly massage and acupuncture for pain relief. She was rescued from a life of slave logging in Asia. Others in her herd were freed from wildlife tourism, chained and forced to carry tourists, day after day. Unable now to be rewilded, today they’re safe. Protected. Cared for.
And a reminder…don’t need to save the world, we just need to relate to it.
Special Offers
These two amazing therapists are offering discounts just for this Substack community. I reached out, and they happily said yes because they truly care about helping people, especially if you’re dealing with pain.
Mahan Shrestha - Massage Therapist
A special intro offer for Tina’s friends $30OFF your first appointment in Albert Park.
You can book via the link below and enter code $30OFF, or simply send an email or text if you’d like to ask anything first on 0414 437 979 or hello@remedieswithin.com.au .
Dr Andrea Speed - Chiropractor at Nurture Health
Step into a space of calm and gentle support with Sacro-Occipital Technique (SOT) Chiropractic in Middle Park.
For a limited time, new clients can enjoy 50% off their initial consultation. Simply book online via the link below and include “FRIENDS OF TINA” in your booking notes to claim your offer.
Email hello@nurturehealth.au or book online below: